Wario's House
by ItsMamaLuigi
Summary: The Wario Bros. decide to open a store to make some money, what's the worst that could happen? Crazy Antics, that is.
1. A Waaaah Beginning

It was a beautiful day in Rogueport.

As the mist from the sea sprayed onto the land, many Goombas and Koopas roamed the town.

But there was a dark side to Rogueport.

Behind the buildings, lied two terrible criminals, Wario and Waluigi.

The Anti-Brothers.

The Wario Brothers.

What were they doing today?

Robbing Shops, you know, just the usual stuff for a criminal.

(The Brothers enter the shop)

As they enter, the two Toads working there looking at them with their eyes and huge moustaches which look like gaping mouths.

Wario looks at a mushroom, sitting on the counter, and GRABS IT.

He runs out of the store with his brother and into a boat, but little did they know..

?: So Mario, why are you visiting this beautiful town?

Mario.

Mario?

MARIO!?

Mario takes his eyes off the captain, seeing Wario off the corner in his eyes.

Mario: YOU!

Waluigi: Oh, no.

Mario kicks the Wario Brothers off the boat, so hard, that they're blasted to their own house.

Wario: ...ouch.

Wario: You know what? I just wanted to make money.

Waluigi: Why?

Wario: So I could be super rich, buy everything and be better than that Mario dude.

Waluigi: What about WarioWare?

Wario: After Game and Wario, we went bankrupt.

Waluigi: Because nobody bought the game?

Wario: Because nobody bought the Wii U.

Waluigi: Oh.

.

.

.

.

Wario: I….just got an idea.

Wario: We can sell our old crap so we can get money!

Waluigi: So, a shop?

Wario: Yeah, Exactly!

Wario: We'll start with our garage, and make our way up to an entire building!

Walugi: Let's do this!

Wario: Wah!

Waluigi: Weh!


	2. The Name of The Game, I mean store

As the garage doors open, The Wario Bros. look through their old stuff.

Wario: Hmmm, A TV Remote, A Game Boy Advance, An old magazine...Not too shabby.

Outside of the Garage, there are a few tables set up, ready to hold things on them.

Waluigi: Seriously, FlippyHippy, Hold things on them?

FlippyHippy: It's the best I could do, fuckwad.

Meanwhile, posters of the store are posted on trees and even some heads.

Waluigi: Hey Wario, have we even decided the name of this store?

Wario: Hmmm….Walmart?

Waluigi: Taken.

Wario: Target?

Waluigi: Also taken.

Wario: Okay. Last one. Sam's Club.

Waluigi: Taken, you idiot. Oh, and who the hell is Sam?

Wario: I dunno.

The two just go silent and resume looking through their items.


	3. THE NAME IS DECIDED!

Wario: So, did ya find a good name yet?

Waluigi: No, all of them were taken.

Wario: Stupid copyright.

Wario: Wait. I got an idea.

Wario: We'll call it Wario's House!

Waluigi: That seems a little obvious.

Wario: Who cares? The name is DECIDED!

Well that was a really short chapter.


	4. The First (and probably last) Customer

''Now we wait'', Wario says as he turns the sign on the door to OPEN.

They wait for a considerably long period of time, until Waluigi spots a lone Goomba walking up to the house.

Goomba: Um, excuse me?

Wario: (With a very cheery smile on his face) Yeeees?

Goomba: Is this a Burger King?

Wario: *sigh* No. They do have a location at Lava Lake. Just watch the lava.

Goomba: Okay. (Walks away)

Waluigi: Does he count as our first customer?

Wario: No.


	5. The Future of Gaming (As It Was In 2003)

''Look, our next customer!'' Wario said as another Goomba walked down to the store.

The Goomba looked at the Game Boy Advance SP they were selling.

Goomba: What!? A Game Boy with a backlit screen? Impeckable! This can't be true!

He turns on the system, seeing it has a full-fledged backlight.

Goomba: (Looks at Wario and Waluigi) How Much?

Waluigi: Um….$100.

Goomba: That's a bit high.

Wario: You Idiot! That's not a good price!

Wario: We'll give to you for $150.

Goomba: Well...for a backlit screen..

(Puts money on counter)

Goomba: It's worth it.

Wario looks at the cash, as his pupils comically turn into dollar signs.

Wario: That'll do.

Wario: That'll do.


	6. Halloween Special for Some Reason

Wario looks at the counter, realizing what day it is.

Wario: Um, Wal? Did you stock up on the candy?

Waluigi: What Candy?

Wario: Ya know, because it's Halloween.

Waluigi: I did get some costumes.

Waluigi: However, they're all my dirty shirts and overalls.

Suddenly, a female Koopa runs up to the store, sweating.

Wario: Woah, Woah, Koopa the Quick. What do'ya need?

Waluigi: Do'ya?

Wario: It's a new contraction I made up.

Waluigi: ANYWAYS….What do you need.

Koopa: I'MLASTMINUTEHALLOWEENSHOPPINGDOYOUPERHAPSHAVESOMECANDYORCOSTUMESFORMYSONCAUSEIMINAHURRYTHENEARESTWALMARTISLIKE1000MILESAWAYOKAYYOURETHENEARESTSTORETOMEPLEASEFORFUCKSSAKEGIVEMESUPPLIES

Waluigi: Well, we do have this costume that looks like me. (Holds up shirt and overalls)

Wario: And this candy I found in the costume that looks like Waluigi. (Holds up candy)

Waluigi: (Takes Candy) You do know that this stuff is 15 years old?

Wario: Shhhhi-

Wario: Whatever, we'll give it to you for free.

Koopa: THANKGODBECAUSEIREALLYNEEDITIDONTCAREIFTHECOSTUMEISUGLYANDTHECANDYISHORRIFICLLYOUTOFDATEIHATEMYSONANYWAYS

Wario: (sigh.) Enjoy.


	7. The Sweet Smell of Sponsorship

Waluigi: Hey, Wario!

Wario: What do you want?

Waluigi: I signed contracts with a ton of brand name companies to sell their products here! ..And the best part is that we're getting paid $100 a day for this!

Wario: Wal, You're a genius.

Suddenly, an unhealthy amount of colossal trucks appear and pour all the items on the store.

Waluigi: Uh, you should've dumped that in the back..

Wario: (sigh)...time to rebuild.


	8. Right? Right

''Man, this shop is a success!''; Wario says as many Goombas and Koopas storm the store.

Waluigi: This IS because I signed deals to get brand name-products here.

Wario: I guess you're right, Wal.

Wario: Which Means, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY YOU'RE RIGHT! You deserve, like, an award or something.

Waluigi: ..and you know what more customers means? More Money!

Wario: Why didn't I think of this years ago?

Waluigi: Because your a dumb fu-

Wario: Whatever. The important thing is that you're right.

Waluigi: Right.

Wario: Right.


	9. Moving Out of the Garage

Waluigi comes running up to Wario, with a piece of paper.

Waluigi: Look at this, War! I think I found something…

Wario looks at the paper, as it has a picture of a big, empty building and the words ''FOR LEASE'' written under it.

Wario: Biiiingo.

Waluigi: To get it, we just gotta call this number: 1-800-GOO-MBAS.

Wario: Whatever. Let's just get calling.

Waluigi: Cue the transition.

 **Later that day…**

The brothers sit on chairs while looking at an empty desk with the nametag **Mr. Goombas** engraved right on to it.

Finally, the realtor arrives.

Wario: Uh, you can't use the word realtor. It's trademarked.

Uh.. I mean… Finally, the Realtor™ arrives.

Mr. Goombas: Hello, boys. How may I help you?

Wario: (Holds up ad) We want to buy this. How big is it?

Mr. Goombas: Hmm… Oh, It's as big as a Target.

Waluigi: Wait, THAT BIG?

Mr. Goombas: I'll give it to ya. But it comes at a cost. It's $50 for each day you use it.

Wario: (Whispers to Waluigi) Woah, I gotta hand it to them, that's actually a very good deal.

Mr. Goombas: Yup, so, you gonna get it?

Wario: It's.

Waluigi: A.

Wario and Waluigi: DEAL.

Wario sticks out his hand to give a handshake.

Mr. Goombas: You do know I lack hands, right?

Wario: Right.

 **To be continued..**


	10. Moving out of the Garage: The Squeakquel

An old, stone building stands in the middle of nowhere, with a ''FOR SALE'' sign standing in front. Suddenly, Wario walks up to the sign, placing a sticker on top of the ''FOR SALE'' that says: SOLD.

Wario: So this is our new location.

Waluigi: Well, It needs some snazzing up to do.

Wario: Snazzing Up Montage?

Waluigi: Sure, why not?

The Brothers split up to get supplies.

Wario paints the exterior a nice blend of yellow and purple, two colors that really catch the eye.

Waluigi starts calling a moving service to move the products and most importantly, the cash register.

Meanwhile, Wario tiles the floors with, you guessed it, yellow and purple. And white.

Waluigi installs some windows and doors.

Finally, Wario sticks up a sign with the words ''Wario's House'' right above the doors.

The two back away to look at the finished product.

Wario. Wahmazing.

Waluigi: True dat.

Then, they commence their trademark evil laughter;

Wario: Wah hah hah hah!

Waluigi: Weh heh heh heh!

The two become silent.

Waluigi walks away.

Wario: I'm gonna play on my Wii U.

Wario walks away.


	11. Right After These Messages

An ad is nailed onto a tree, with the words ''COME TO WARIO'S HOUSE NOW! WE HAVE KNICKS, KNACKS AND TOY TRAIN TRACKS!'' Suddenly, the Wario Brothers walk up to the tree, and pull the ad off.

Waluigi: Really, Toy Train Tracks?

Wario: I couldn't find anything that rhymes with knack.

Waluigi: Packs, Snacks, Cracks, Blacks, Sacks..

Wario: Shut up. Anyways, the reason why i'm pulling these off is because they advertise our old location.

Waluigi: That explains why we're not getting as many customers as usual.

Wario: Wait! I got an idea!

Waluigi: What?

Wario: We make a COMMERCIAL! I mean, we have the money to do so!

Waluigi: I think we need help to do it.

Wario: But who can help us?

Suddenly, a whirring sound starts.

Wario: What the….

They look up, to see a Koopa Clown Car floating in the air. Then, a gigantic, monstorous, ugly turtle-dragon hybrid peeks out and sees the Brothers.

?: Did somebody say they needed help to make a commercial?

Wario: Go away, Bowser.

Bowser: Well, at least I get a proper introduction. But can I help? I've made a ton of great commercials before.

Waluigi: Remember, you never actually made the cut for the commercials. All you did was lie down on the ground saying that you were ''sexy''. The audition was for a _McDonalds_ commercial.

Wario: You would've been perfect, because you're fat, just like anybody who eats McD's.

Bowser: Says the guy who eats Garlic all day.

Wario: WHY YOU LITTLE SON OF A BITCH, I WILL KILL YO-

Waluigi: Hey, Calm Down, maybe he could help. The next best would be _Steven Speilberg_.

Wario: Isn't he dead?

Waluigi: I dunno. I haven't been keeping up with the news lately. Mostly because of all those stories of _Syria_.

Wario: (whispers) No offense.

Bowser: So, when do we start filming?

Wario: The next chapter.

Bowser: Awww...

 **To be continued….**


	12. Gay

Bowser: LET'S-A START FILMING, EH?

Wario: Wait, do we even have a camera?

Waluigi: I have one.

Wario: Huh?

Waluigi: I stole it from some dumb filmmaker who didn't want me to appear in _Titanic._

Wario: Why did you want to do that?

Waluigi: So a girl can finally hold me.

Bowser: Gay.

Waluigi: You're gay.

Bowser: Mr. Gay Pants.

Waluigi: GayBob GayPants.

Bowser: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY-

Wario: Both of you, shut the hell up!

Waluigi: Yeah, I'm acting like my Mom, always saying I'm gay…

Bowser: You're mom is gay.

Waluigi: SHUT UP.

Bowser: Fine, Waluigay.

Waluigi: Fine, Gayser.

Wario: I hate both of you.

Waluigi and Bowser: We should just start filming. If we want more customers, we gotta make this commercial fast.

Waluigi: STOP COPYING ME!

Wario: Here we go again.


	13. The Commercial

''I don't know, man.'' Waluigi says as takes a seat.

''It's gonna be goooood.'' Wario says as he munches on his popcorn.

''Come on guys, let's just roll the commercial.'' Bowser proclaims as he turns on the projector.

The commercial starts.

 **Wario: Do you need supplies? Or swag? Then come to Waaaaario's House! We have Millions of Thousands of Hundreds of Tens of Ones of Items!**

 **Waluigi: Weh Heh Heh! We supply hundreds of brands!**

 **Wario: Like what?**

 **Waluigi: Like Mushroom Fine Foods, Fire Flower Clothing and Tanooki Health Products!**

 **Wario: So, come on down to our NEW location, at 30 Mushroom Road!**

 **Waluigi: Remember, If there's a Wah, There's a Weh!**

 **Wario: What?**

 **Waluigi: Whatever, just find the giant inflated arm-flailing tube man thing and you're here!**

 **Wario: We don't have one.**

 **Waluigi: Now we do.**

 **Wario: I'm gonna go outside, and I swear to god, if I find a fucking tube man, then i'm gonna kick your ass.**

 **(Wario leaves the room)**

 **(Wario enters the room)**

 **Wario: Goddamnit, why did you buy a fucking tube man?**

 **Waluigi: I didn't mean to-**

 **Wario: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T MEAN TO?**

 **Wario then beats Waluigi as hard as he can.**

The commercial ends.

Wario: That.

Waluigi: Was.

Wario: Amazing.

Waluigi: Horrible.

Bowser: (smiles) That's what happens when I'm your cameraman.


	14. The Four-Letter Word

The store sits peacefully in an open field, and the wind makes a light breeze that lightly pushes the trees. In the window, Wario comes up and flips the ''CLOSED'' sign to ''OPEN''.

Suddenly, tons upon tons of Goombas and Koopas storm the store.

Wario: Buisness is a success!

Waluigi: I just suddenly had an idea.

''What is it?'', Wario says angrily.

Waluigi: We can have a sa-

Wario: NO!

Wario: NO!

Waluigi: I said, we can have a sa-

Wario: NO!

Waluigi: Stop, you're scaring the customers!

Wario: (heavily breathes angrily)

Waluigi: I SAID, we can have a safe, you know, to hold our riches!

Wario: Uh, yeah. Whatever.

Suddenly, a Koopa walks by.

Koopa: I hope this place will have a sale soon.

Wario: (twitches eye)

Wario kicks the Koopa into its shell, and tosses it out of the store.

Waluigi: Why the fuck did you do that?

Wario turns to Waluigi, with an angry look on his face.

Wario: Just, shut up.


	15. The Water Bottle Rule

Wario takes a little stroll around the aisles of the store.

Wario: Look at all these products. I wonder if we can sell them all….

He goes by the cashier where he works, only to see a Yoshi taking a bottle of water from the cooler and drinking it.

Wario: HEY! You have to pay for that first!

Yoshi: Yoshi? (Haven't you heard of the Water Bottle Rule?)

Wario: What's this ''Water Bottle Rule'' you speak of?

Yoshi: Yoshi. (If you drink an unpaid bottle of water, you have to buy it later.)

Wario: (sticks out hand)

Yoshi: (reaches into pocket) Yoshi… (Fine….)

Wario: I don't want anybody else doing this.

Waluigi comes by, drinking a bottle of water.

Waluigi: I know, right?

Wario: Pay up.

Waluigi: (reaches into pocket) Fine….


	16. Toadsworth Emporium

Across the store, something strange is going on. There's something new building being built across the street. Wario is seen looking at the new building through binoculars.

Waluigi: I'm getting some real Chum Bucket vibes from this.

Wario: It looks big enough to be another shop.

Waluigi: Look on the bright side, maybe it's a mansion? Or a company headquarters?

Wario: Wait, is that?

Waluigi: Toadsworth?

Wario looks through the window.

Toadsworth: Come on boys, we need this store built FAST!

Toad 1: Why did you hire us as workers?

Toadsworth: Because, there's nobody else competent enough to do it.

Toad 2: Just, Goddamnit.

(back to Wario's House)

Wario: Store?

Waluigi: Shit.

Wario: I'm talking to him.

(Wario leaves the store)

Wario walks up to Toadsworth.

Wario: Um, Excuuuse me?

Toadsworth: Yes, Mister Wario?

Wario: We kinda have a store across the street from where your new store is supposed to be, and it would be nice if you built it somewhere else than here.

Toadsworth: I'm very sorry, but there's nowhere else to put Toadsworth Emporium.

Wario: Wait a second, Toadsworth Emporium? That's just about the stupidest name i've ever heard for a buisness.

Toadsworth: Yeah? Well, the name Wario's House is preposterous!

Wario: Toadsworth Emporium sucks arse!

Toadsworth: Wario's House can SUCK MY DICK!

.

.

.

.

.

Toadsworth: (covers mouth) W-W-Why did I say that!? Just, please leave, Mister Wario.

Wario: Fine.

(walks away)

Toadsworth: Ugh.

Wario enters his store.

Waluigi: So, what happened.

Wario: He's making a store, and he's calling it Toadsworth Emporium. He couldn't find any other place to put his dumb store but right across the street from us.

Waluigi: What do we do?

Wario: Panic.


	17. Waluigi's House

Toadsworth: Mister Wario, please stop spying on us.

Wario has been spying on Toadsworth Emporium for weeks now.

Wario: Yeah, I have other things to do, like take care of a store that's BETTER THAN YOURS!

Toasdworth: (sigh)

Waluigi: Come on, War. We need to eat, I'm strarving.

Wario: We have, like a ton of fucking food on the shelves. Take a box of Oreos or something.

Waluigi: I want actual food. Like, restaurant.

Wario: Well, there is that Arby's/Sbarro combination 5 minutes away…

Waluigi: I don't want fucking fast food. Wait, Sbarro is still around?

Wario: Then, what do you want?

Waluigi: I'm craving that luxury, expensive food.

Wario: No, remember? We gotta pay that Goombas dude $50 a day. We'll be done if you even TRY to buy it.

Waluigi: Wait. Lightbulb.

Wario: What the hell is it?

Waluigi: We can have a restaurant in our store!

Wario: No. That's too expensive.

Waluigi: But THINK of all the moolah we'll get…

Wario: Yeah...We could have a fast food restaurant in our store!

Waluigi: Beats the shit we sell here at the moment.

Wario: (Points to corner of store) We can use the northeast corner of the store as a fast food chain!

Waluigi: What are we gonna call it?

Wario: WahEats!

Waluigi: What about Waluigi's House? I make some pretty good tacos.

Wario: (Rubs back of head) Yeah….Sure.

Waluigi: So, do I call the construction service now?

Wario: Do it, Wal.

Waluigi: Wait, where's the phone book?

Wario: What's a phone book?

 **Later….**

A truck pulls up in front of Wario's House. A bunch of Toads storm out of the vehicle and into the store.

Toad: STICK 'EM UP! THIS IS A ROBBERY!

Wario and Waluigi: OH SHIT!

Toad: Hah Heh, Just kidding with you guys. Is this Wario's House?

Wario: Did you see the giant sign on top of the building?

Toad: Sorry, So, the guy on the phone said to build a restaurant, about, there! (points to corner) Right?

Waluigi: Yeppers.

Toad: Come on boys, we gotta build an eatery.

Waluigi: Give it some of my aesthetic.

Toad: Aesthetic? Uh, boys, I need a dictionary.

Other Toad: Here you go. (tosses dictionary)

Toad: Okay, aery, aesthete, aesthetic. Hmmm, Umm…. yeah. Yep. (tosses dictionary back to other Toad) Got it. Aesthetic. Come boys, let's not put time down the drain. (claps) Go!

The Toads split up, gathering wood and some tools.

 **One Montage Later…**

The last screw is screwed in by a Toad.

Toad: Okay, we're finally done. We took your advice and gave it some asthetic.

Waluigi: Oh. My. God. Glass Panels, Wooden Floor, Televisions, Modern Art hanging on the wall, and tiled register? YEEEEEEEEEE! SO AMAZING!

Toad: I know, bro. So, the price will be, uh, about 50 Thousand.

Waluigi: I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE PRICE. IT'S PERFECT!

Waluigi faints, falling on the floor.

Wario: Um, Wal, are you okay?

Toad: Meh, he's probably fine.

Wario: Did you make the drive thru?

Toad: Yep.

Wario: Wait. Let me check. (runs to back of store) (comes back) OH MY GOD YOU MADE A DRIVE THRUUUUUU! (faints)

Toad: He's probably fine, right, Bob?

Bob: I think. Bob?

Bob: Probably. Bob, what do you think?

Bob: I dunno. Bob?

Bob Jr.: I ain't Bob, bitch.


	18. Unexpected Inspector

Author's Note: Goddamn, it's been a while. My hiatus was caused by all my work from high school and stuff like that. But as summer is coming close, I decided to continue. EN-FUCKING-JOY!

Wario: (walks up to Waluigi) So….how is Waluigi's House?

Waluigi: It couldn't be better!

Wario: Yeah….so...did you remember to restock the-

The door kicks open. Toadsworth comes into the store, and walks up to the brothers.

Toadsworth: Hello. I am the...HEALTH INSPECTOR.

Wario: How do we know you can trust you?

Waluigi: You are building a competitor that you say in your ads will ''Kick those asshole Wario Brothers to Saturn''.

Toadsworth: NOOO. I, Toadsworth, am the Health Inspector, King, and your friendly neighbourhood Spiderman. Now prepare me a burger.

Wario: You know what he said, make a burger.

Waluigi: But, I don't know how to make a burger.

Wario: Just take some meat and put it with ketchup, lettuce, tomatoes and stuff in between two pieces of bread. Simple 'nuff.

Waluigi goes into the kitchen.

 **Later…**

Waluigi walks out of the restaurant, with a burger in hand.

Waluigi: Your meal...is served.

Toadsworth takes a bite of the burger.

Toadsworth: Wow, this is really good! It tastes like a Big Mac! You pass!

Toadsworth walks out of the store.

Wario: Wow, that's impressive. How did you make it?

Waluigi: There's an exit in the kitchen. I got out of the store, went to McD's, got a Big Mac, came back through the back door, put it on a plate, and served it.

Wario: Oh, Waluigi! (laugh track)

 **Oh, Waluigi!, next Monday at 6, on ABC!**


	19. The Amiiber Fever

Waluigi: OK, So since summer is on the way, why don't we have a s-

Wario: NO! NO SALES. NOOOOOOOOOO! DIDN'T WE COVER THIS IN, LIKE, CHAPTER 14?

Waluigi: I was saying….a spring cleaning?

Wario: Oh. Yeeeeaaah.

Waluigi: I'll start checking the food for expired products and you go and check the video games for any misplaced products.

Wario: Whatevs. I can do that.

Wario goes to the video games and shuffles the boxes. He then tries to take the shelf off, and a box falls on the floor.

Wario: (Picks box up) What is this?

Waluigi comes over.

Wario: It's in mint condition. It's like a gold statue of Mario.

Waluigi: That's a Gold Mario amiibo, you doofus. That could've been stuck in the shelf for a year.

Waluigi walks away, but then runs back to Wario.

Waluigi: GOLD MARIO? THAT'S ONE OF THE RAREST AMIIBO! I NEED IT TO COMPLETE MY COLLECTION!

?: Not iv I can help it.

The brothers see a shadowy figure walk through the door, then revealing himself as a black Shy Guy.

?: 'Ello. I am Timido. I see you 'ave a Gold Mario.

Wario: Hey, buster. Whaddya think you're doing here?

Timido: I 'ave an offer. You give me da Gold Mario, I give you monies.

Waluigi: (hugs Gold Mario) NEVAH.

Wario: (nudges Waluigi) Come on….money?

Waluigi: Fine.

Waluigi gives the amiibo to Timido.

Timido: (looks at amiibo) Finally. It is mine. Here's your pay.

Timido drops some chocolate bars on the table.

Wario: What are these?

Timido: Oh, iz Moni, a brand of chocolate bar from vere I come from. Nos vemos.

Timido takes off his robe, and whisks it in front of him, and the robe falls on the floor, with Timido gone.

Waluigi: Soo…(takes out phone) Do we call the cops?

Wario: Yeah.


	20. It's Full of Yoshi

Waluigi's House is packed full of hungry customers, waiting for their food. Suddenly, an alert shows up on the TV. The Koopas, Goombas and Toads look up to the screen.

 **This just in, a massive Baby Yoshi outbreak has put the kingdom into danger. These Yoshi love to eat, so keep your food away from them. Almost 2 thirds of the MK's supply of food has already disappeared. What will this mean for restaurant owners? We'll find out at 1.**

The whole store goes quiet.

Toad: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

Everybody except the bros. Run out of the store.

Wario: What is this gonna mean for us?

Waluigi: We'll find out at 1, I guess.

Suddenly, a crunching sound comes from the grocery. The Wario brothers creep on over, only to find their entire supply of food gone.

Wario: WHAAAAAAAAT? This must've been one of those stupid Yoshi! I ain't Waaaaaahving this.

Then, a sound comes from the fruit.

?: Yoshi!

Waluigi: What was that?

A blue Baby Yoshi crawls down from the orange stand after eating all the oranges. It comes up to Wario and Waluigi.

Wario: D'awww. It's pretty cute, actually.

The Baby Yoshi jumps up and attacks Wario's face.

Baby Yoshi: GNNNNARRRRRR!

Wario: (mumbles) I take that back.

Waluigi: I'll run to aisle 6. I think we have somethin' that'll do the job.

Wario: Yeah, you go while I have something licking my eyeballs, and sharp teeth digging into my forehead.

 **At aisle 6…**

Waluigi: Let's see...goomba repellent…..chain chomp repellent….toad repellent? Ok…..oh, here. Yoshi repellent.

Waluigi runs back to Wario.

Waluigi: GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY!

Waluigi sprays the repellent, getting rid of the Baby Yoshi.

Wario: (covers eye) Ugh...I think I have some of that spray in my eye.

The Baby Yoshi runs out the door.

Wario: What are we gonna do with all this eaten food?

Waluigi: (pulls out WahPhone 7) I can just order it.

Wario: Dude. Is that the new WahPhone?

Waluigi: Yeah. It's $1000 in case you want it.

Wario: That's pretty expensive, ey?

Waluigi: ..and that's minus the tax.


	21. Survey Says

Oh, Wario's House. This popular Mushroom Kingdom store is acclaimed by every customer that walks in and out.

Waluigi: FUCK!

Wario: What now, Wal?

Waluigi: I checked, and all our Google reviews are negative!

Wario: That can't be…..why?

Goomba: Hey! This box of Froot Loops has been eaten by termites!

Koopa: The meat at the deli expired a year ago!

Wario: Were we even open a year ago?

Waluigi: I think.

Wario: Y'now what? I think we should hold a survey.

Waluigi: You mean actually ask our customers how they feel about this store?

Wario: Guess so.

 **Later..**

Wario comes up to the front counter with a box.

Waluigi: What's the box for?

Wario: It's a survey box. (holds up survey forms) Customers can write on these here survey forms how they feel about this store, slot em' in the box, and we come and check to see how the survey is going later.

Waluigi: Cool.

Wario: ...And the survey is going to be helpful (looks out window) BECAUSE THAT STUPID TOADSWORTH EMPORIUM IS OPENING SOON…..

 **Even Later….**

Wario: Okay, closing time everybody!

 **The customers pay for their items and leave the shop.**

Waluigi: Did you check the survey box yet?

Wario: Oh yeah!

 **Wario rushes to the box and shakes it.**

Wario: It sounds like it's chock full of feedback!

 **Wario opens the box and pours the forms on the table.**

Waluigi: Well, let's see. ''Terrible service, I was forced to pay two times the MSRP for a box of graham crackers because the cashier said that ''We need money, you fuck!''''

''The restaurant's food is horribly out of date. The fish sticks they gave me probably expired when Space Jam was still in theatres.''

''This store...where do I start….most of all, it shouldn't exist because it ain't a PokeStop….useless pile of shit….and there are literally no Pokemon here…..man my data plans will be fucking demolished if I don't catch 'em all soon. TEAM VALOR 4 LIFE!''

Wario: Okay...that last one can be ignored..

Waluigi: All this...it's negative. But what really hits me hard is this one:

''This place is literally run by two people. TWO. Can there be, like, actual staff or something? My god, there are 10 Cashiers, but only one is active at a time. WHAT'S THE POINT?''

Wario: What do we do about the one?

 **Suddenly, the doors swing open.**

?: Golly, did someone say they needed staff?


	22. IS THIS REAL LIFE?

**Last time, on Wario's House….**

 **Wario and Waluigi discover that everybody hates their store, so they decide to hold a poll. They then discover that EVERYBODY hates their store, so they decide to try and fix their problems, but suddenly someone comes through the doors…..**

 **Now, It's time for Wario's House!**

 **Yay.**

?: Golly, did someone say they needed staff?

Wario: Go away. We're closing now.

Waluigi: War, don't dismiss him.

Wario: Fine. what are you here for?

?: Actually…

 **The figure emerges from the dark, revealing herself to be a female Toad.**

?: I'm a her….and my name is Sam.

Wario: Sam? That's a boy's name.

Waluigi: So...you're here to join our team.

Sam: Yessiree!

Waluigi: Grea-

Wario: (whispers to Waluigi) Wait...how can we trust her?

Waluigi: What do you mean?

Wario: She is a Toad, after all….she may be a spy from Toadsworth.

Waluigi: I know T-Worth hates us...but not that much.

Wario: I'll go talk to him.

 **Wario walks across the street to Toadsworth Emporium, where workers are putting the finishing touches on the exterior. He walks up to Toadsworth, who is instructing the workers.**

Wario: Excuse...me?

Toadsworth: Yes, Mister Wario?

Wario: So…...this ''Sam'' came to our store asking for a job. Is she a spy?

Toadsworth: No. I hate you, but not that much.

Waluigi (from across the street): TOLD YOU!

Wario: Fine. But I'm watching you.

 **Wario runs back to the store.**

Waluigi: So…is she in or not?

Wario: (looks at Sam)

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

You're hired, Sam.

Sam: Oh, Yea! I feel happier than a cowboy on a merry-go-round!

Waluigi: O...K….

Wario: Do you expect money from this job?

Sam: Naw, ya don't have to pay me. I'm just here to have some fun!

Wario: (whispers to Waluigi) We hit the freakin' jackpot.

Waluigi: Have you worked anywhere before?

Sam: Do lemonade stands count?

Waluigi: Sure..

Wario: Well Sam, it's closing time. Everybody, go home!

Sam: (runs off) So long! See ya tomorrow, fellas!

 **Waluigi puts his hand on Wario's shoulder.**

Waluigi: Let's see what this angel in disguise has for us tomorrow.

 **What's gonna happen tomorrow?**

 **Find out next time on Wario's Hou-**

 **Wario: I CAN'T WAIT!**

 **Find out next time on Wa-**

 **Wario: WE ACTUALLY HAVE SOMEONE WORKING FOR US!**

 **Find ou-**

 **Wario: WE GONNA EARN SOME MONIES!**

 **F-**

 **Wario: YYYYEEEESSSSS!**

 **(Sigh) I don't get paid enough for this job.**

 **Wario: WE DON'T PAY ANYONE HERE AT WARIO'S HOUSE!**

 **...**


	23. The Social Netwaaaaaaaaaaaah

Wario: OK everybody, it's opening time!

 **Wario changes the Closed sign to ''OPEN'', and opens the door. Wario then sees Waluigi and their new employee Sam rush to the store.**

Waluigi: Wait, are we late?

Sam: Please don't let it be..

Wario: No, actually. You're, like, just in time.

Waluigi: (looks at Sam) Are you ready for your first day?

Sam: Heck yea!

 **Sam, excited, runs into the store and looks around.**

Sam: Gee, It sure looks nice at day!

Wario: Right..

Waluigi: So, we got your first job, Sam.

Sam: Yeeeeeeee!

Waluigi: The job is to stock Aisle 4 successfully. (hands a list to Sam) Stock it with the water, juice, soft drinks and coffee. Remember to separate the Keurig and Tassimo. Plus, the job shouldn't be heard.

Sam: GOLLY YES! (runs into back of store)

Wario: So, what do we do now?

Waluigi: Well, I've been thinking.

Wario: About what?

Waluigi: Thinking about expanding our advertising.

Wario: But how?

Waluigi: We make a Facebook page.

Wario: Well, that does seem nice, since almost everybody uses Facebook and stuff….

Waluigi: Okay, I'll get to it.

 **Waluigi pulls out his WahPhone 7, taps the screen, and puts it back in his pocket.**

Wario: That was it?

Waluigi: Yeah, it's that simple these days.

Wario: Can you pull out your phone again? Let's see what you did.

Waluigi: Yeah. (pulls out phone) The description is: Welcome to Wario's House! We sell knicks, knacks, and toy train tracks! Come visit us at our new location 30 Mushroom Road, Mushroom Kingdom!

Wario: Toy train tracks? Really?

Waluigi: Wow, this is some real Deja Vu.

 **Sam runs out of the store and interrupts the conversation.**

Sam: Done!

 **Wario runs into the store, and sees that Aisle 4 is perfectly stocked, nothing is missing, and no mess was made.**

Wario: Oh.

Waluigi: What?

Wario: My.

Sam: Yessss?

Wario: God.

Sam: I know, right?

Wario: I LOVE YOU, SAM!

Sam: Thanks, pal!

Wario: Here, have a penny.

 **Wario tosses a penny to Sam.**

Sam: Erm...thanks!

 **Sam runs back into the store.**

Waluigi: As said before, angel in disguise. (looks at phone) Wow, 1,000 views on our FB page already.

Wario: Good enough.

 **Suddenly, Wario spots a shape in the distance.**

Wario: Wait, what is that?

Waluigi: I see it too.

Wario: It looks like...a large gathering of…..people.

Waluigi: You know what this means?

Wario: Oh no.

Waluigi: WE never get that many visitors.

 **TOADSWORTH.**

 **EMPORIUM.**

 **GRAND.**

 **OPENING.**

 **Coming soon.**


	24. Grand Opening

Waluigi: This is it.

Wario: Oh no.

 **A huge crowd of people rushes to the now finished Toadsworth Emporium, where Toadsworth is holding the opening ceremony.**

Toadsworth: Welcome to the grand opening of my new store, Toadsworth Emporium! My new store includes a world-class restaurant…

Waluigi: So what? Ours is just as good!

Toadsworth: ….100 Aisles of products….

Wario: Doesn't Toadsworth know the whole ''Quality over Quantity'' thing?

Toadsworth: ….plus a bulk Jelly Belly stand!...

Waluigi: Well, we don't have that.

Toadsworth: To cut the opening ribbon, I am very proud to hand the scissors to…

 **The crowd gets excited.**

Wario: Who do you think it will be?

Waluigi: Dunno.

Toadsworth: Mr. Wario!

Wario: . . .

 **Wario walks up to the entrance and is handed the scissors.**

Wario: (whispers to Toadsworth) Why me?

Toadsworth: Well, you are my competitor. I just want to be nice to you for once.

 **Wario looks at the crowd**

Crowd: CUT! THE! RIBBON! CUT! CUT! CUTTITY! CUT!

 **Wario snips the ribbon, and the crowd goes wild!**

Toadsworth: I am so happy to announce, Toadsworth Emporium is now open!

 **Everybody runs into the store.**

Wario walks back to Wario's House, with a shocked look on his face.

Waluigi: So?

Wario: . . .

Waluigi: Did you have fun cutting the ribbon?

Wario: . . .

Waluigi: Giving me the silent treatment, eh?

Wario: . . . . . . . .

 **Wario collapses on the ground, and starts to sob, producing a pool of water around him.**

Waluigi: There there, have some garlic.

 **Waluigi hands some garlic to Wario. Wario smells the garlic, and jumps up from his collapse.**

Wario: OMG GARLIC!

 **Wario nibbles on the garlic.**

Waluigi: Feeling better?

Wario: Oh *BURP!* Yeahhhhhh!

Waluigi: Should we go in?

Wario: (looks at Toadsworth's store) Guess so.

 **The duo walk into the store through the automatic doors, to find aisles and aisles of products.**

Waluigi: Woah, is that a diner? It looks so nice!

Wario: Are those ready-to-eat boxes of rotisserie chicken cooked here? Classy.

Waluigi: Is that a bulk foods area with dispensers of imported candy? OMG YES

Wario: Slushie station! I WANT BLUEBERRY!

Waluigi: Chocolatier?

Wario: Floral area?

Waluigi: 50 Cashiers?

Wario: Elevator to a SECOND FLOOR?

Waluigi: Pizza Parlor?

Wario: Food that's NOT expired?

Waluigi: Clothing section? All the clothes we have are used! Used by us!

Wario: A McDonalds?

Waluigi: Electronics section as big as a Best Buy?

Wario: Is that a bulk Jelly Belly stand?

Waluigi: THIS. IS. AWE-wait. What am I saying? We're ruined! They even have a salad bar!

Wario: You know what? Whenever I see a salad bar I can't help myself to steal a crouton. They taste so good for some reason! One time I went to buy a salad from the salad bar and I just filled the salad bowl with crout-

Waluigi: That's not important right now!

Wario: Heheh. Sorry.

 **Waluigi sees Toadsworth coming up to him. Waluigi smirks a fake smile on his face.**

Waluigi: Hey...T-Worth.

Toadsworth: Are you enjoying here, boys?

Wario: Uh...sure are..

Toadsworth: Y'now, the reason I opened this store is because the kingdom is in financial trouble. We needed money, fast!

Waluigi: But you spent all the MK's money on this store!

Toadsworth: I know, just watch and see.

Worker 1: Sir, we've made about $100 Billion since we opened 2 Minutes ago!

Toadsworth: Good.

Worker 2: Sir, the kingdom is now out of financial trouble.

Toadsworth: More good! Our kingdom almost went bankrupt!

 **Wario collapses again.**

Waluigi: Well that was quick.

 **Meanwhile, back at the store….**

Sam: Hello? I restocked all the aisles! Perfectly. Will anybody answer? Wario? Waluigi?


	25. ワリオの家の第25章

Waluigi: I get it, you're jealous.

 **Wario stares at the new Toadsworth Emporium through the window.**

Wario: OK, I'M JEALOUS. THEY HAVE LITERALLY EVERYTHING WE DON'T HAVE!

Waluigi: Even a petting zoo?

Wario: YEAH.

 **Suddenly, a Spike bursts through the door.**

Spike: こんにちは！このワリオの家はありますか？

Wario: What?

Spike: さて、それを気にすることはありません。あなたはトイレットペーパー売り場、先生に私を導くことができますか？

Waluigi: I don't know what you're saying.

Wario: I think I can talk to him.

 **Wario walks up to the Spike.**

Wario: あなたが子供を持っていますか？彼らは彼らの父としてあなたを持っているので、彼らは自分自身を恥じるべきです.

Spike: あなたはその息子について言うことはありません！彼は父親として私を持っていることを誇りに思います！さようなら！

Waluigi: What did you just say?

Wario: I think I said the directions to the toilet paper.

 **The Spike starts to walk out the door, when suddenly Sam runs into the room.**

Sam: Ooh, did I hear Japanese? I can understand it, you know!

Wario: Oh, you sure are a life saver!

Spike: あなたは日本語を知って待つのか？天をありがとうございました！

Sam: 問題ありません、男。

Spike: トイレットペーパーはどこにあるか知っていますか？

Sam: アイル8 。

Spike: ありがとう！

 **The Spike walks to Aisle 8.**

Waluigi: Woah, thanks, Sam!

Sam: You're welcome.

 **Sam walks out the door.**

Wario: I guess we have a translator now.

 **ああ、サム！あなたはすべて、今日私たちを保存する方法！**


	26. Price Match Guarantee

**We start today's chapter at Wario's House, where people are picking items from the shelves peacefully. We see Wario at his desk, playing a classic Warian tune.**

Wario: Wah Wah Wah Wah Weh Wah Wah Wa-ah Weh...Wa Wa Wa Wa….Weh-eh Wah Wah Wah Wah Weh Woo Wa Weh Weh Weh Weh-eh

 **KNOCK KNOCK!**

Wario: Ugh, WHAT?

 **Wario opens the door, to see a young Wiggler standing at his feet.**

Wario: ...Hi.

Wiggler: Excuse me?

Wario: ….OK.

Wiggler: You do know the sign in the entrance says you will price match any product from any store?

Wario: No, it doesn't. Now get out.

Waluigi: Uh...yes it does.

Wario: Oh.

Wiggler: So, I checked, and a club pack of Lay's ''Sour Cream and Onion'' chips are being sold for $9.99 here….

Wario: That's the price. Doesn't get any lower.

Wiggler: But it's being sold for $3.99 at Toadsworth Emporium. (hold up flyer) Here's proof.

Wario: . . .I'LL DO ANYTHING TO BE BETTER THAN THAT STUPID-ASS TOADSWORTH. SAM, HAND ME SOME OF WHAT THE WIGGLER SAID.

Sam: (runs up to Wario) Lay's SC n' O chips, here ya go!

Wario: HERE. IT'LL BE YOURS FOR $1.99. LOWEST I CAN GO. I'LL BE BETTER THAN THAT PIECE OF SHIT TOADSWORTH!

Wiggler: OK, relax mate. I'll take it. (throws $1.99 at Wario)

Wario: YES! I FEEL BOTH BAD AND GOOD AT THE SAME TIME. THANKS WIGGLER DUDE, YOU CAN GO NOW!

Wiggler: You're weird.

 **The Wiggler walks out of the store.**

Waluigi: So...what just happened?

 **Wario comes up to Waluigi and hugs him.**

Wario: I don't know, man.

I don't know.


	27. Waluigi's Famous Burgers

Toad: One hamburger, please!

Waluigi: Ugh, coming right up.

Toad: With cheese, ketchup, tomatoes, lettuce, onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, tomatoes, mustard, tomatoes and tomatoes.

Waluigi: ….

 **Waluigi runs into the kitchen. He grabs the ingredients from the fridge.**

Wario: Woah, you're actually making a burger now?

Waluigi: Yeah, I think running to Mickey Dee's to get a Big Mac is unfair. I'll try to make a burger myself for once.

Wario: Oh, cool.

Waluigi: First of all, let's put the meat on the gri-WAIT. We don't have a grill.

Wario: Well, we have (holds up microwave) this old microwave.

Waluigi: It doesn't have the power cord, though.

Wario: Well, take this 8-Pack of AAA Batterizer batteries. It should do the trick.

 **Wario hands the microwave and the batteries to Waluigi.**

Waluigi: So, this microwave doesn't run on batteries.

Wario: Nobody cares. (walks away)

Waluigi: I guess I could just tape the batteries to the microwave. That may work.

 **Waluigi duct tapes the 8 batteries to the top of the microwave.**

Waluigi: Power on, and….wow. It actually works!

 **Wario throws the meat in the microwave.**

Waluigi: Lets see….Popcorn, Potato, Toad Meat…...here! Burger.

 **Waluigi presses the button and leaves the room.**

 **Later…**

Waluigi: Okay, let's see. (removes burger from microwave) Hmm….looks cooked. Let me just place the burger here….and…..what did he order again? Okay….(places burger on bun)...easy….so...what toppings….I think it went cheese, ketchup, tomatoes, lettuce, onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, tomatoes, mustard, tomatoes and tomatoes. (places toppings on bun) Let me just place the top bun..and...done!

 **Waluigi takes the burger to the Toad at table 4.**

Waluigi: There you go. A burger with cheese, ketchup, tomatoes, lettuce, onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, tomatoes, mustard, tomatoes and tomatoes.

Toad: Oh joy! A burger with cheese, ketchup, tomatoes, lettuce, onions, tomat-

Waluigi: Yeah I get it.

 **Waluigi walks away.**

Toad: Let's eat!

 **The Toad picks up the burger, when suddenly the burger starts to shake. The Toad drops the burger on the floor in shock. The burger starts to grow legs and hands.**

Toad: What's happening?

 **The burger then grows eyes and a mouth.**

Toad: What?

Burger:

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

FEED ME!

 **The Toad jumps from his seat and runs out of the store.**

Waluigi: What's with all the ruckus? OH MY FUCKING GOD!

 **The burger runs toward Waluigi.**

Burger: FEEEED ME!

 **Waluigi runs into the kitchen, but the burger catches up and Waluigi is cornered.**

Waluigi: Get away!

 **Waluigi picks up a plunger.**

Waluigi: (sticks plunger at burger) GET AWAY!

Wario: Hey, what's goin-WHAT IS THAT?

Waluigi: I dunno. It probably came to life because the only stuff we had was an old microwave and batteries!

Wario: Yeah, but it looks delicious. Is that a burger with cheese, ketchup, tomatoes, lettuce, onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, tomatoes, mustard, tomatoes and tomatoes?

Waluigi: Yeah, but it wants to kill me!

Wario: OK, I'll get the chainsaw!

 **Wario runs out.**

Waluigi: I hope you'll return alive, bro.

 **Suddenly, the burger begins to suck up all the food in the kitchen.**

Wario: OK, got it-OH CRAP!

Waluigi: Yeah, It's sucking up all the food!

 **The burger begins to grow in size.**

Wario: Wait, I got an idea.

Waluigi: I hope it's not a bad one, like opening this store.

Wario: Shut the fuck up, asshat! I'm saying that If we get it to eat enough food, It will explode!

Waluigi: That MAY work.

Wario: Good.

 **Wario runs to the grocery section.**

Wario: Hey burger man!

Burger: FEED ME?

Wario: Come eat this!

 **Wario begins to throw the fruit at the burger, who gobbles it up quickly and continues to expand.**

Wario: This is gonna be pretty easy.

 **2 Hours of throwing precious food later..**

Wario: Okay, this is the last apple. (throws the apple)

 **The burger gobbles the apple up...and starts to rumble.**

Waluigi: TAKE COVER!

 **The burger stops rumbling.**

Wario: It's not enough!

 **Suddenly, Sam walks into the room with a bag.**

Sam: Hey guys, I went to Subway and got you some subs!

Wario: SAM! THROW THE SUBS AT THAT GIANT BURGER!

Sam: Why would I do that?

Waluigi: NO TIME TO EXPLAIN! DOOOO IT!

Sam: Whatever ya say, boss!

 **Sam hurls the bag at the burger.**

Burger: FEED ME! (eats bag)

Waluigi: . . . . .Please hope this works!. . . .

Burger:

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Hey! That was pretty goo-BOOOOOM!

 **The burger blows up.**

Wario: WE DID IT!

Sam: I still don't know why you wanted me to throw your lunch at that thing. Wait, was that thing a burger with cheese, ketchup, tomatoes, lettuce, onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, tomatoes, mustard, tomatoes and tomatoes?

Waluigi: Yeah.

Wario: But what do we eat for lunch?

Waluigi: . . .

Wario: Let's go get a burger.

Waluigi: Uh..no thanks.


	28. Charities Are Scams: Part 1

**It's closing time tonight, so Wario and Waluigi close up shop.**

Wario: Hurry up, Sam! We're closing.

Sam: Whatever you say, boss!

Wario: You forgot today's paycheque!

Sam: (runs up to Wario and grabs cheque) One cent? Thanks!

Waluigi: OK, Let's go.

 **The three walk out of the shop, until Wario sees something in the corner of his eye.**

Wario: Wait, what is that?

 **He goes to look, only to see a homeless Toad.**

Waluigi: Is that a Toad?

Wario: Yes.

Toad: Excuse me, mister.

Wario: Uh…

Toad: Will you spare a dime?

Wario: No.

Waluigi: Stop, Wario! Give him a dime.

Wario: Fine. (Gives dime to Toad)

Sam: Hey boss….what if we start a charity? For homeless people!

Wario: Herm…..That sounds…

 **Wario's pupils become dollar signs. He then grows an evil smirk on his face and rubs his hands.**

Wario: That sounds great. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Toad: Thank you, sir!

Wario: Oh, no problem.

No problem at all.

 **TEH NECKST DAE**

 **Wario walks back into the store, and places a glass jar on the counter. He then gets a pen and paper and starts drawing.**

Wario: Let's see... ''Every day, millions of homeless Toads think: will this be the day I'll be saved? Without food, water or shelter, they suffer. Donate all you have to the Wario's House foundation to help these poor souls.'' Heh. Little do my customers know that this is all a trick. They'll think they're donating for a cause, but they'll be donating to ME! FREE MONEY!

Waluigi: (walks in) Hey man, how's it going?

Wario: Oh. Cool.

Waluigi: I see you started the charity.

Wario: You know what they say! You gotta help the cause!

Sam: Hey, Sorry I'm late!

Wario: Ok, but that's half a cent off your paycheque.

Sam: Cool.

 **Suddenly, a Koopa walks in.**

Wario: HELLO SIR! WOULD YOU LIKE TO DONATE TO THE WARIO'S HOUSE FOUNDATION?

Koopa: …..

Wario: WE NEED MONEY!

Koopa: Oh, why didn't you say so?

 **The Koopa throws a nickel in the jar.**

Wario: Thank you!

Koopa: No probz. Where is the Chain Chomp food?

Waluigi: Aisle 10.

 **The Koopa walks away.**

Wario: See? I told you it would be successful.

Waluigi: You didn't say that. Do you know how to use the phrase ''I told you''?

 _ **PART 2 COMING SOON!**_


	29. Charities Are Scams: Part 2

Wario: WAHAH! We're gonna be fockin' rich!

Waluigi: I know, right? This is your best idea yet! Wow..I never knew i'd appreciate you in some way. (blushes)

 **Suddenly, Waluigi and Wario stare at each other. Their faces become closer together. Wario makes a kissing face.**

Waluigi: DUDE! THE FRICK? Save this shit for your dumb fanfiction!

Wario: ….

 **All of a sudden, the doors are busted open. A female Goomba walks through.**

?: Hello.

Wario: Hey, what do you want? We're too busy being rich!

?: My name is Sandra Goombston. I heard allegations of a false charity being operated by you two. You ask people for money to ''support'' a ''cause'', then you take it all for yourself. I'm here to shut this down.

Waluigi: YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

S. Goombston: Yes, I can.

Wario: Listen, biotch, we don't want you just barging in and telling me to shut down my best idea yet.

Waluigi: Wait, ''my''?

Wario: I originally thought of it.

Waluigi: NO, YOU DIDN'T!

Wario: SCREW YA!

 **The brothers keep arguing, and Goombston grabs the jar of money and walks out.**

Wario: SEE, BECAUSE OF YOUR BIG FAT MOUTH, SHE TOOK ALL OUR MONEY!

Waluigi: THAT'S BS!

Wario: WHY DON'T YOU LOOK?

Waluigi: OKAY, I WI-oh. She took our money.

Wario: Hmph.

 **THE END**


	30. Wario Killed the Radio Star

Wario: **AARGH!**

Waluigi: What's wrong, bro?

Wario: After our ''charity'' failed, we have no ways to advertise ourselves anymore! Also, we have no money!

Waluigi: ..So, we're gonna lose customers?

Wario: Yeah. I'm feeling pretty gloomy right now.

Waluigi: Maybe some tunes will cheer ya up?

 **Waluigi gets a radio and places it on the counter.**

Wario: Change it to 92.3, they always have the best hits…

Waluigi: Isn't that the station that always airs ads?

Wario: Nobody cares.

 **Wario tunes the radio.**

 **You're listening to TOAD MELODY 92.3! I'm your host, Melody Cortez! Today we have only the hottest Toad hits! But before the songs, we have 3.000 minutes of commercials! ….Wait, the dot is in the wrong place? Oh. Nevermind, we have 30.00 minutes of commercials for you! See ya!**

Waluigi: I told you.

Wario: Ugh.

 **Hey! Do you wanna advertise on this radio station? Then call us at 999-999-9999! 99999-9999-9999-999-9. 9. 99. Now, to the commercials.**

Wario: Wait, did you hear that?

Waluigi: All I heard was the number 9.

Wario: We can advertise on this radio station! We'll get a ton of customers!

Waluigi: I guess you're right.

 **Meanwhile, at the radio tower…**

Melody: ..and that was Warm Lava by Justin Goomber! Now, an hour of commercials!

 **Wario and Waluigi come busting through the door.**

Wario: We want to advertise!

 **Melody turns off her microphone.**

Melody: You do know you could've just called us…

Waluigi: That long number? No way. We are the owners of Wario's House, the most popular store in the MK!

Melody: Isn't that Toadsworth Emporium place the most popular?

Wario: WHO CARES. We want to advertise!

Melody: Okay, come into our recording studio and we'll record your ad.

 **AT THE RECORDING STUDIO…**

 **The brothers walk in.**

Wario: Erm, why are the walls covered in pillows?

Melody: Actually, that's a special material. It's soundproof, so no noise will get in, except the sounds you produce in here.

Waluigi: Neat.

Melody: Okay, **Time to record!**

 **Melody runs out and turns on the recorder.**

Wario: Do we speak in the mic?

Melody: (thumbs up)

Wario: (thumbs up)

Wario: Hey you!

Waluigi: Are you bored of all these stupid radio ads?

Wario: If you said yes, well, this one is worth listening to!

Waluigi: Come down to Wario's House!

Wario: We got knicks, knacks and toy tr-

Waluigi: WE GOT LOW PRICES!

Wario: We'll also price match with other stores! Including….T-T-Eugh-Toadsworth Emporium!

Waluigi: So come to our location at _(removed after complaints by actual owner)_!

Wario: Tell 'em 92.3 sent ya!

(ad ends)

 **The brothers walk out of the recording studio and jump up and down in joy.**

Melody: You guys nailed that!

Wario: Yeah, I get that a lot.

Waluigi: You mean **we** get that a lot.

Wario: Yeah. That.


	31. Yo-Kai is Why

Note: I'm trying out a new format for this fanfiction, I hope you like it! Also, I originally wanted to do a Wario's House chapter parodying Yo-Kai Watch when the first game came out last year, but I scrapped it. I decided to re-purpose the idea just in time for the release of Bony Spirits and Fleshy Souls. ENJOY!

''So..who's listening to our radio ad?'' Wario asked, as he kicked back and layed his legs on the counter. ''It's been forever.'' After the radio ad aired, customers have doubled. ''Well, customers have doubled, which means people are actually listening to our ad!'' said Waluigi. Suddenly, Sam comes bursting out the back door with a small box. ''Mr. Wario! Mr. Waluigi! We have a new item in stock! The delivery Toad said it's some sort of watch.'' ''A watch?'' Waluigi said, with an eyebrow raised. ''Well, we don't sell those here, but I guess we do now. ''Cool. Let me rip that shit open'' exclaimed Wario, as he pulled out a pocket knife and broke the tape on the box. Waluigi opens up the box, only to find a few boxes in it. ''Boxes?'' said Wario, in dismay. Waluigi takes a closer look. ''Yo-Kai Watch: Consumer Edition? What is this trash?'', he says. ''Wait, what's a Yo-Kee?'' says Wario in confusion. ''It's Yo-KAI.'' says Waluigi as he opens one of the boxes. Inside is a watch with a colorful clock face. ''Where are the numbers on this thing?'' Waluigi says. ''It looks like a kids toy. Does it go in the toy section?'' Wario suggested. Waluigi wraps the watch around his wrist. ''There's a button here, what the frick does it do?'' he says. He presses it, but suddenly the watch starts to glow and opens up. A small speck of light comes out of the watch, only to morph into a ghost-like creature. ''HELLO! Welcome to the Yo-Kai Watch: Consumer Edition! I'm Whisper. I'm a Yo-Kai! In fact these Yo-Kai are all around you! They inspirit helpless people and persuade them to do various things! With this watch, you can find and capture these Yo-Kai. Also, don't bother taking off the watch. IT'S STUCK ON YOUR WRIST FOREVER. AND I'LL BE WITH YOU FOREVER. UNTIL. YOU. DIE. MAYBE EVEN AFTER YOU DIE. MUAHAHAHAHA-excuse me. Have fun!'' The ghost disappears. ''The hell was that?'' Wario said. ''I dunno, maybe I should try this thing out.'' Waluigi says. Suddenly, a Toad walks in. ''Hey. Do nya have sum chocolate?'' it exclaims. ''Um..the chocolate is in aisle-'' Waluigi says, but is interrupted by Wario. ''Hey, Wal! This guy may be inspirited by a Yo-Kee!'' he says. ''OK, I'll give it a shot.'' Waluigi presses the button a second time, and a strange creature shows up beside the Toad. It appears to be some sort of red cat. ''Dafuq is that thing?'' Wario says. The creature walks up to Waluigi. ''Anyother human? This place is full of 'em.'' it says. ''Um. Excuse me. Who and what are you?'' Waluigi asks. ''Oh, I'm-WAIT WHAT. You can see me? That's weird. You must be using that watch.'' it says. ''BTW, I'm Jibanyan. I'm a Yo-Kai!'' it says. ''Jibanyan? Sounds like some sort of Japanese hippie.'' Waluigi says. ''Wait, are you inspiriting that poor Toad?'' Wario asks, in anger. ''Um...nyes. I have nyothing else to do, nya.'' Jibanyan lazily says. ''FUCKING HELL STOP SAYING NYA IN EVERTHING YOU SAY!'' Wario yells. ''Um….so can you stop inspiriting this Toad?'' Waluigi asks. ''Ugh. Sure. BUT! One thing, nya. You can have my medal, so we can always be together!'' Jibanyan says, as he throws his medal at the brothers. Wario picks up the medal, and Jibanyan disappears. ''Erm..what so we do with this?'' Wario says. Wario tosses the medal in the trash. ''Wanna help me get this thing off?'' Waluigi asks Wario. ''I'll get the chainsaw'' replies Wario.

 **Meanwhile…**

A few days later….Wario and Waluigi take the trash to the dump. They dump in on the floor, and return to the store. Suddenly, a shadow comes out of nowhere, and grabs the medal. It looks at the medal in it's hand. ''¿Puede usted creer que alguien acaba de lanzar esto lejos? Zis is probably worth something.''


	32. The Adventures of Timido: Episode 1

We start at a small, run-down building in the middle of the Dry Dry Desert. A shadow walks up to the building, and opens the door. CREEK! The door makes a sound, and the shadow walks in. It's very dark inside, and the shadow wanders aimlessly in the light looking for the light switch. He feels it, and pulls the switch. The building is revealed to be some sort of hoarder's house, with trinkets scattered on tables and animal heads on the walls.

''Vinally.'' The shadow says, as it places a medal in a booklet. ''Timido got another one.'' he says. The shadow is revealed to be a Shy Guy. ''Time for a nice Moni as a reward.'' he exclaimed, as he grabs a chocolate bar and starts shoving it in his mask. Suddenly, another Shy Guy emerges from the corner of the building. ''Oh, es mi

Suddenly, another Shy Guy emerges from the corner of the building. ''Oh, es mi viejo amigo Timido. Dime. ¿Recibió la medalla?'' he says. ''Si jefe.'' Timido answers. ''Ese es uno abajo, entonces. Ahora, tengo otra cosa para usted para cazar. La ciudad de '' Nueva Hoja ''. Robar los planes de desarrollo de la ciudad. Entonces, ya está de oro.'' the mysterious Shy Guy says. ''Si.'' Timido says, as he runs off.

 **Later…**

Timido arrives at the town of Nueva Hoja on his steed. He gets off and ties his horse to a fence. He walks over to a sign. ''Welcome to the peaceful town of Nueva Hoja! Population: Growing!'' the sign says in a big, bold font. Above the sign, he sees a peaceful town, filled with houses and trees. He spots the town hall. ''Bingo.'' Timido whispers, as he walks off to the town hall. Suddenly, a blue cat in a dazed tee runs in the way of Timido.

''Erm, hi, silly.'' the cat says, as she backs of slowly. ''Who are you again, silly?'' she adds. ''I am Timido. I von to know where da town hall is.'' Timido exclaims. ''If I remember, you take a left at Re-Tail, which is straight up from here, silly.'' the cat says. ''ROSIE!'' a voice yells. A racoon in a fancy clothes comes up to the cat. ''You forgot to pay your loan! You better, or your Happy Home Academy review will be terrible! So, get to paying your loan, yes yes.'' The racoon says. He then walks away. ''Sorry about that, I gotta go, silly.'' says the cat. ''Zat's fine, Ms. Minina.'' Timido says.

Timido then commences his journey. Finally, he gets to Re-Tail. He walks into the store. ''Welcome!'' says Reese. ''Do you have anything to sell?'' she adds. ''No, but vere it the town hall?'' Timido asks. ''Oh, it's on the left. Just keep walking.'' Reese says. So, Timido walks out of the store and runs off to the town hall.

He finally gets there, and silently walks in. There's nobody in there, so Timido creeps in and opens up the drawer in the mayor's desk. He furiously searches for the papers, and snatches them. But, then, the door opens, and Timido starts panicking. A dog walks through the door. ''M-Mayor, are you here?'' She asks. She then sees Timido. ''My my..who are you?'' she asks. ''...'' Timido, in silence. ''Nos Vemos.'' he says, and waves his cape and disappears. ''...'' The dog thinks in silence. A card then drops on the floor. She goes up to read it and it has the following:

 **You just became victim of the SGWSS (Shy Guys Who Steal Stuff)!**

Meanwhile, at the HQ…

''¿Los agarraste?''

.

.

.

''Si.''

.

.

.

''Bueno.''

 **TO BE CONTINUED….BUT REALLY, BACK TO WARIO'S HOUSE.**


	33. The New Goom

''This is it.'' A Goomba says. ''The Office. The scariest place an employee can be.'' he adds. He opens the door (even though he lacks hands) and walks in slowly. He looks up to see a huge desk. ''Hello, Mr. Goombson. Do you know why I called you in?'' a figure says, sitting on the desk. It climbs down a ladder to the ground. ''Do you?''

''Uh...no...Mr. Toadsworth.'' the Goomba replies. The figure, revealed to be Toadsworth, walks up to him. ''Well, you've been misbehaving lately.'' Toadsworth says. ''What? That's BS. What have I done lately?'' the Goomba exclaims. ''Well, you have been keeping all our shipments of Cookie Crisp to yourself.'' Toadsworth says, with an angry expression. ''Well, it's not my fault. I mean, it's COOKIES FOR BREAKFAST. WHO THE HELL COULD PASS THAT UP?'' The Goomba says, worried.

''...You're fired.'' Toadsworth whispers. ''What?'' the Goomba says. ''YOU'RE FIRED.'' Toadsworth yells. Suddenly, a pullstring drops from the ceiling. Toadsworth pulls it, and a trapdoor is opened right underneath the Goomba. ''See ya.'' Toadsworth says. The Goomba is dropped through a chute that ends outside the store. ''*pchhh* AND DON'T COME BACK. *pchhh*'' The PA speaker says.

''Ugh...stupid Toadsworth. Firing everything he sees.'' the Goomba mumbles, as he walks across the street, looking down. Then, he looks up, to see Wario's House. ''Oh, cool. Maybe they'll get me a job.'' he says, as he walks into the store. Suddenly, as he's walking in, he gets stopped by a female Toad. The Goomba trips over her, and right onto the ground.

.

.

.

''Omigosh, I'm so sorry, fella!'' The Toad says, as she sticks out her hand. ''Ugh….that's fine'' the Goomba says. ''I'm Sam.'' she says. The Goomba turns over, and sees her face for the first time. All of a sudden, his eyes turn into hearts. ''Hello, beautiful..'' he says, half awake. The Goomba gets up. ''What's your name?'' Sam asks. ''Goombson.'' he says. ''But I'm known by my first name: ZACHARY!'' he says. ''What are you here for?'' Sam asks. ''Erm….to marry you?'' Zachary says. ''Excuse me?'' Sam adds. ''Uhhh….to get a job here?'' Zachary corrects himself.

The two walk into the store. Wario is sitting at the counter, on his WahPhone. ''Hey, I just realized. We didn't do anything to celebrate this fanfiction's 1st birthday.'' Wario says. ''Eh. There's always next year.'' Waluigi answers. Zachary walks in. ''Hello, I'd like to get a job.'' he says. The Wario brothers turn their heads to him in shock. ''Tell me. Are you competent enough to take this relatively easy job where you're just a background character that gets only one line each chapter?'' Wario asks. ''Erm...sure.'' Zachary whispers to himself. ''WHAT?'' Wario yells. ''Yes. I am fully competent for this job I'll probably regret getting a few days from now.'' Zachary answers, as he crosses his non-existent fingers.

Wario takes a deep breath. ''You're hired.''


	34. D'oh I Pissed

''URMMPH. EUUUGH. AAAAAGG.'' Waluigi says, as he shuffles down the aisles. He sees Wario and approaches him. ''I haven't peed in 567 days!'' he yells at Wario. ''Really?'' Wario says. ''We've never installed restrooms here.'' ''Well, what are you waiting for?'' Waluigi adds. Wario looks around the store, and notices a phonebook on the desk. He picks it up and looks through it. He then puts his finger on a page. ''Kamek's Washroom Installation: Installing washrooms since 2002, so you can do your business!'' Wario reads.

''2 Stalls for $150?'' Waluigi says. ''How could somebody pass that up? Wario, could you go there and talk with them?'' Wario nods his head and walks out of the store. Suddenly, in the corner of his eye, he sees a small abandoned wooden shack on the side of the road. He walks up to it and opens the door, revealing a small toilet. He decides to push the shack toward the store. ''Hey Wal. Would this work?'' Wario cries. Waluigi peeks through the door. ''It's some old porta potty I found just lying around.'' Waluigi facepalms. Just that moment, a Toad comes out of Toadsworth Emporium, scratching his rear.

''How is Toadsworth Emporium a luxury store if it doesn't even have a washroom?'' he says. Then, he notices the washroom Wario found, while Wario and Waluigi argue. ''What do you mean it's a good idea? This thing's all rusty and junk!'' Waluigi yells. ''Well, who'll pay $150 for something people will shit in anyways?'' Wario yells. The Toad walks into the shack, and starts to, well, do the thing. Wario and Waluigi go silent. ''See? I told you people would actually use it.'' Wario says, as he crosses his arms.

''Fine, we can install it. But if the shop gets smelly, don't come to me.'' Waluigi replies. The Toad walks out of the stall, plugging his nose. ''Dang, you may as well spray some Febreeze in there.'' he says.

Wario looks at Waluigi. ''What did you say about not coming to you again?''


	35. Plastic and Grease

Waluigi folds the first taco of the day. He wraps it up and places it on table 4. ''Here it is, ma'am. Taco with lettuce and cheese. Hold the mayo.'' he says, as he holds up a bottle of mayonnaise. Waluigi then hears a honk. He runs up to the drive thru. He rolls down the window, only to see Bowser in his clown car. ''Oh, hey Bowser.'' Waluigi groans. ''What would you like to order?''

''Oh, this order isn't for me. It's for my son.'' Bowser laughs. Suddenly, a tiny Bowser pops up from the car. ''This is Bowser Junior. Isn't he a cutie?'' he adds. ''DADDY! CAN I HAVE A LIL' WALLY MEAL?'' Junior screams. ''Yeah yeah. Can he get a Jr. Taco Combo and a toy?'' Bowser says.

''I'm sorry, a toy?'' Waluigi says, confused. ''You know, those cheap salt-covered plastic toys you get with every kids meal?'' Bowser responds. Waluigi looks at the counter. He sees a small box. He runs and grabs it, and returns it to the drive-thru. He opens it up, and sees a little figurine. He places it in a bag along with a taco and fries, and hands it to Bowser. ''H-here you go.'' Waluigi stutters.

''Yay!'' Bowser Junior exclaims, as the two drive away. Wario walks into the restaurant. ''Where are the explosives I hid inside those tiny figurines?'' he says. Waluigi gulps. ''What?'' Waluigi nervously says. ''As a promotion with the Bob-Omb Corp, we're selling explosives, but they had to put them in tiny figures so they could get past the police.'' Wario says.

Then, out of nowhere, comes a large ''BOOM!''. ''WALUIGI!'' Bowser says in an angry voice. ''SOMEBODY'S GETTING A ONE STAR RATING!'' Wario stares at Waluigi. ''Did you?'' Wario asks. ''Whoops.'' Waluigi shrugs, with a fake smirk on his face.


	36. The Ol' Switcheroo

''Opening time again…'' Wario says as he twists the 'closed' sign to 'open' and as another exciting day starts. Wario turns around and looks at Waluigi and the others. ''I hope we can get a good profit today!'' Sam says, as she jumps in excitement. ''Ye-'' says Zachary before he is cut off by Wario. ''I TOLD YOU ZACH, YOU CAN ONLY SAY A SINGLE SYLLABLE EVERY CHAPTER!'' he yells. ''I thought it was one line?'' Zach replies in confusion.

''Anyways, we have a representative from Nintendo coming to give us an EXCITING new product to sell today!'' Wario says excitedly. Suddenly, a giant plant busts through the door, with smoke coming through. It raises its leafy hands up! ''Hello, fellow people! It is I, Petey Piranha, representative of Nintendo, and I am here to show you an EXCITING NEW PRODUCT!'' the plant-like creature says. Petey rolls in a cart covered in a red fabric. ''Any guesses to what it is?''

'' A new Wario Land?'' Wario says. ''Waluigi's Epic Tennis Adventure: The Game?'' Waluigi says. '' A new console?'' Sam says. ''Is my Steven Universe x Sonic The Hedgehog fanfiction getting published?'' Zachary guesses.

''HERE IT IS!" Petey yells. He pulls the red fabric from the cart, revealing a shiny black box with a tablet-like object sticking out from it. ''THE NINTENDO SWITCH!'' he follows. ''Woah.'' Wario and the others say in awe. Petey points to the system. ''So, the thing about this is that not only is it a home console, but a handheld system too!'' he then reaches into his pocket and pulls out two controllers. ''These are joy-con. You just click them to the console…'' he adds, as he attaches the controllers to the sides of the console. He then lifts the tablet-like part up, removing it from the dock. ''..and it turns into a portable console!''

''Double Woah.'' The others say. ''And the best thing is….'' Petey adds, we've given you 250 Switches to sell on launch day as a special promotion!'' he yells. ''And if any way you destroy these, I'll burn this store down to the ground!" he manically laughs. ''Uh. Okay?'' Waluigi muffles. ''Okey Dokey. See ya!'' Petey leaves the store, only for the pile of Switches to spontaneously catch on fire, burning down the store anyway. The brothers and their employees stick their heads out from the ashes, shrugging.


	37. Don't Smoke, Kids

Wario smoked his e-cig as he handed a pack of Pokemon cards from behind the counter to a young Toad. ''There you go, kid.'' He said. The kid looked up at him. ''Mr. Wario, what's that thing in your mouth?'' he asked. Wario grew a stern look on his face. ''Something that's slowly killing me.''

The Toad tilted his head to the side. ''Why?'', the kid wondered. Wario put his hand on his chin.''I don't know.''

The kid ran to his mother. ''Look Mom! I'm smoking!'' he yelled, as he put his hand on his mouth to look like he was smoking. The mother's pupils contracted as she looked at the smoking Wario.


	38. Special Delivery?

"OK, Waluigi", Wario proudly exclaimed, "Are you ready to deliver this product to the customer?", as he gave his brother the brown box with a piece of paper attached to it. Waluigi picked up the box. "Why did we start doing this, again?" he asked. He read the address on the paper. "ALOLA REGION?", he yelled. "B-but that's across the frickin' ocean!"

Wario crossed his arms. "Well, somebody ordered it and they need it delivered."

Waluigi rolled his eyes as he walked out of the store, on the way to the customer. He arrived in Toad Harbor, and walked into the waiting room. However, all the seats were full, so Waluigi decided to wait it out. He ended up waiting 6 hours, and fell asleep doing so. ''Now boarding: Hau'oli City. Now boarding: Hau'oli City.'' the intercom said, as Waluigi sprung up from his slumber and ran onto the dock and boarded the ship. He huffed and puffed as he placed himself onto one of the seats. He looked up at the captain. ''How long is this going to take, exactly?'' he asked. The captain turned the wheel as he looked back. ''Yar, it take t'least 24 'ours.''

24 Hours later, the ship arrived at Hau'oli City's marina, and Wal walked out into the city, stretching his arms. The fresh Melemele sun shined on his face as he walked toward his destination. ''Ow. Ow. Ow. My feet hurt.'' he whined. ''You think that's bad?'', Diddy Kong said as he took a bite of his malasada, which, of course, was banana flavored, ''I got nerfed in Smash, and I'm still not over it.''

Waluigi arrived in the Hau'oli Outskirts, and to the porch of the customer's house. He rang the doorbell, and a young mother opened the door. ''Alola! You must have the package we ordered!'' the woman excitedly greeted. Waluigi reached behind him and pulled out the parcel. The lady woman took the box and opened it, inside was a single Potion. Waluigi watched in shock. ''What the FUCK!? WHY DID YOU ORDER A POTION FROM A STORE MILES AND MILES AWAY IF THERE'S A POKEMART NOT FAR OF A WALK FROM HERE?'' he yelled. ''I dunno. I like exotic stuff.'' the woman shrugged.

Waluigi facepalmed as he slowly walked back. A yellow creature came from the sky and started to float in front of him. ''Greetings, Waluigi, I am the guardian of Melemele island, Tapu Koko. You are the chosen one, the one that can save Alola, and I will give you this special Z-Ring.'' the creature said, as it handed Waluigi a watch-like wristband. Waluigi looked down at the ring, a sad look on his face. ''Whatever, I'll give it to Timido or something.'', he mumbled, as he walked away.


	39. Too Many TOADS

We take a look inside the walls of the competing Toadsworth Emporium, as one of the many employee Toads dusts off all the shelves for the 104th time today. At the moment, a robot drives up to the shelves, and starts dusting them. The Toad becomes confused. ''O-kay?''

Meanwhile, at the cashier, another Toad scans some products, and looks around, only to see some self-serve registers being installed , while the other lanes are demolished.

At the salad bar, dispensers are being installed, and the Toad who usually works there is pushed out by another robot. All the Toad workers gather together. ''What's happening?'' One says. ''What's with the robots?''

Out from a dark corner of the store, Toadsworth appears. ''Why hello, fools.'', the old Toad said. ''If you've noticed already, I've replaced you all with robots. I won't have to pay them, they won't argue with me, and I hated you all anyways.''

Toadsworth walks into his office. There's silence, then he peeks his head out of the door. ''By the way, if you haven't found out already, YOU'RE FIRED.''

The Toads walk out of the store, chatting to each other about the incident. ''How are we going to get paid now?'' one of them said.

Back at Wario's House, the brothers look out the window. ''This is odd.'' Wario pondered. ''What are they doing?''

The large crowd of Toads looks across the street to see the brothers' shop. ''Hey, isn't that the shop those Wario brothers own?'', one of the Toads asked. They walked across the street and flooded the store, with Wario dropping his jaw. Waluigi wakes up from his nap, lifting his hat, only to see hundreds of Toads in the store. ''Man, it's a busy day today.'' the puple-clad brother said. ''Uh…no….they all want to work for us.'' Wario responded.

Waluigi stood in shock. ''What. We can't. Think about all the paychecks, the hassle, the amount of shitty fanfiction ItsMamaLuigi has to write!''

Wario thought for a bit. He walked into the back of the store and brought back some silver paint, and dumped it on all the Toads. The Toads walked back into Toadsworth Emporium, and stood near their past workplaces. All of a sudden, Toadsworth walks by. He looks at all the silver Toads. ''Huh. I don't remember getting these robotic Toads.'' He thought. The old Toad shrugged. ''Eh.'' And walked away. The Toads moved the robots away and stood in their stations, serving the customers once again.

''Your ideas suck.'' Waluigi stated to his brother.


	40. Mario?

Another quiet day. It was a weekday, most people were at their jobs. Except him. The superstar. Walking toward the shop, his brown shoes clacked on the pavement. He adjusted his red cap and walked through the doors. ''So this-a this is what he was-a up to.'' The mustachioed person said as Wario and Waluigi turned their heads in shock. ''M-m-m-m-'' Wario mumbled. ''MARIO!?''

''It's-a Me!'' Mario exclaimed, as the brothers started to sweat. ''Hey!'' Waluigi yelled, ''You're the one that kicked us off the boat!''

''Wait. What are you a-talking about?'' Mario questioned. ''That never happened.''

''Buh-but….Rogueport, the boat, ''You!'', you kicked us so hard, we were launched to our house!'' Wario said.

''Are you a-sure?''

 **What Actually Happened.**

 **The Wario Brothers get on the boat.**

 **Wario: Whew. I think we're safe.**

 **Captain: Departing Rogueport, Mr. Mario.**

 **The Captain notices the Wario Bros.**

 **Captain: You!**

 **A spring comes up from the ship's floorboards, blasting the Wario Bros. so far they landed at their house.**

 **Back to the Present…**

Wario thought. ''That's not what I remember.'' Mario smiled. ''Its-a okay. See ya!'' the plumber said, as he turned his back, to reveal a ''kick me'' sign on his back. Wario and Waluigi both evilly snicker.


	41. Mount Wario, Race Course or Command?

The light shone on beautiful and snowy Mount Wario, and the racers zoomed by in their vehicles. The chalet, located at the very end of the course, is where today's chapter begins.

''Man, Wario, opening another location here was a great idea.'' Waluigi observed, as many enemies stormed the shop. Wario rubbed the back of his head, as he looked around. ''Isn't it the summer now? Why hasn't this place melted?'' he asked.

King Bob-Omb came by, holding some funnel cake he got a while ago from the cafeteria. ''I'm pretty sure because there are a bunch of snow makers, beside, the owner of this joint's gotta make some dough!'' he said. Wario stared blankly at the boss. ''Owner. Owner. I AM THE OWNER! WAHAHAHA!''

Waluigi crossed his arms. ''Of course it is. This dump is named after him.''

King Bob-Omb placed his hands on his hips. ''Well, I gotta go. It's pretty cold, so I should probably sit by the fireplace for a bit.'' the bomb exclaimed. Waluigi and Wario quickly realized what he said. ''WAIT, KING, NO!'' they yelled.

The king placed his hands over the fireplace, of course making him explode into pieces, demolishing half of the chalet, as well as the shop. The brothers peeked their heads out of the ashes. ''Well, a location here is a really bad idea.'' Wario murmured as he facepalmed.


	42. Inky

Waluigi mopped the floors of the store, sighing. ''War, do I have to do this every time?''. Wario snickered. ''I dunno, do you?'', he answered, reading Store Owners' Bimonthly, as Waluigi cleaned up the last little bit of ketchup that happened to squirt on the floor.

A blooper flopped into the store, and walked up to the restaurant, with Waluigi tapping his fingers on the counter. ''Hey? Can I get a calamari burger?'' the squid blubbed . Waluigi stared blankly at the blooper, noticing his squidly features. ''A-are you sure?'' Waluigi asked. ''What? Yes.'' The blooper said, confused.

"Well, OK…'' Waluigi mumbled. He went to the back, prepared the burger, and gave it to the blooper, wrapped in yellow paper. It managed to eat it up in seconds. The blooper burped, and its stomach started to rumble.

''OHNO.'' The blooper yelled as it splatted its ink, covering the entire store (and the brothers) in black goo. Waluigi wiped his face, and smashed it on the counter. ''UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.''


	43. Black and Blue Friday

It is December 5th 2017, a few weeks to the holidays. ItsMamaLuigi is sitting at his computer, thinking about what his next tweet will be, when a sudden thought fills his mind.

''Wario's House.''

''I HAVEN'T MADE A NEW CHAPTER SINCE JULY!''

He quickly opens a new tab and opens a blank document on Google Docs. He types in the title: '"Wario's House: Chapter 43''.

''I don't know how much longer I'm gonna be doing this until I get bored of it again and take another months-long hiatus, but I'm ready. It's Wario's House time, bitches.''

 **But, anyways….**

 **Let's get to the goods.**

It's a pretty cold day. And you know what that means, lots and lots of snowfall. Wario watches behind the store's window as the white stuff (not THAT white stuff, creep) glides down to the ground, creating piles on piles of snow. He turns his head and looks at Waluigi. ''Can you believe it's snowing again already?'' he said. ''Yeah, time flies.'' Waluigi responded. Coming from the back storage area, Sam comes in, rolling in a cart full of bones and skeletons. Waluigi sees the bones and screams. '"WHAT ARE THOSE?'' he shrieked. Sam looked up from the pile of remains. ''They're our customers. Remember?'' the Toad replied.

 **FLASHBACK!**

It was November 24th, and quite early too, around 3am. Wario pressed his nose against the glass doors of the store as he stared at the empty parking lot, which wouldn't be empty for long. ''All the stores open at 4 today.'' he whispered, as he didn't know how to prepare for the incoming madness. Waluigi was sitting at the counter, jabbing his fingers at his Switch. ''Why are you so sad? We'll make tons of moolah? Isn't that what matters?'' Waluigi asked. Wario quickly turned his head, revealing his face to be red with fear. ''Oh, no. It isn't what matters. At least to….them.''

Wario pulled out his WahPhone 10, opened a video, and showed it to Waluigi. It showed mass hysteria in one store, as hundreds were being trampled, workers ran away and products flew off the shelves like a bird in the air. There was even a little bit of blood. ''Black Friday 2014. It was a day to remember, and not in a good way. Thousands of deaths.'' Wario said in a stern voice. Waluigi shivered, and he tried to hide as soon as he heard the word ''deaths''. But it was too late. It was 5 minutes to opening, and the two had to prepare.

''ZACHARY! SAM!'' Wario yelled, as the two workers rushed out, looking like they just got back from the apocalypse. ''Don't worry. We're ready.'' Zach said. The four stocked all the shelves they could, put up all the signs, and slashed some prices. It was 3:59 am, and the group stared at the clock sitting atop the store's entrance. They could see the rampant crowd of Toads, Goombas and Koopas alike in the distance. ''3…..2…...1…'' Wario whispered to himself, as the mob got closer and closer.

''GOGOGOGOGO!''

The store was flooded, as the Wario Bros. dove headfirst into the checkout, where they scanned barcodes faster than the speed of light. Zachary couldn't help but watch atop one of the shelves all the chaos happening below him. The crowd spilled out of the doors and the shop was left empty, nothing on the shelves, all that remained were the Wario Bros., Sam and Zach, and the many skeletons lying on the floor. ''JESUS CHRIST. That's kinda dark.'' Wario said, as he stared at the remains of what were his customers. Suddenly, Wario noticed a single SNES Classic, that nobody bought. So did a Toad that came in a bit late. He waddled as fast as he could to it, but a blue streak sped by him. It was Sonic The Hedgehog himself, as he zoomed out of the doors with the console, leaving payment on the counter.

Wario turned to Waluigi. ''What is this, a crossover episode?''


End file.
